Monday, March 9, 2009

Me and Critter down by the schoolyard.


Critter is a Bigfoot and Critter is my friend. He hates this picture of himself but he said for whatever bizarre reason, that nearly all the pictures we have of him or any of his many friends all look the same. Traditionally, we believe we have one photograph of ONE Bigfoot when in reality, they are photographs of hundreds of different Sasquatch that simply appear to be the same to our untrained human eye. To my friend Critter, each photograph and each Bigfoot is hugely different. Critter looked me in the eye and said "It would be like if someone took a photograph of you and put it next to Yao Ming's or Gary Coleman's and said they were identical." I then asked him why all the photos were taken near the same dry creek bed. He laughed and said "Well, a lot of us live pretty close by and we thought it would be pretty funny to fuck with all your heads. Also, if the shit ever hits the fan, we thought it might be convenient if you thought there was only one of us out there." I took his point and resolved to not let my myopic naivety push me toward any Yeti generalizations.
Anyway, we have been having a ball ever since we met on the way to the beach. I was going for my morning jog when I saw this Bigfoot stretching near the public restrooms near State Beach. I asked him what he was doing at the beach and he said that he'd somehow gotten lost after a pretty "big night partying" up near Eugene, Oregon and found himself in Santa Monica. As far as the stretching, he simply said he'd never jogged in the soft sand and wanted to make sure he hadn't strained anything.
So that is how we met. He offered me some berries he'd found up above PCH which I respectfully accepted. He then asked me if I would show him around town bit, thinking he might as well soak up a few of the sights before heading north. He really wants to hit Universal Studios ("I will really scare the snot out of some kids") and check out some yoga.
I agreed and am writing this while he naps on my leather sofa in the other room. Surprisingly, he does not snore nor does he smell in the least bit. He is quite clean and fancies himself some sort of modern day dandy. Whoa, he is stirring, more to come later.

1 comment:

Shane said...

Can't wait to meet Critter!

 
Cornify