Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Critter walks among us, undetected as we make our away across the Faeirie Zoo, Disneyland.

What is this picture you might ask? Who is this bizarre yet oddly arousing exotic white haired woman? Well, hold on to your knickers, that is Critter. That's right. Why does he look like an Asian transvestite starring in a low rent version of A Chorus Line? After two hours of wandering around Disneyland, he could no longer stomach being groped, fondled and photographed anymore. Our ploy worked, no one saw him as anything more than a Disney "castmember" some Orange County suburbanite teen hopped up on Christ and an annoyingly good attitude trying to make a few extra bucks after Football practice. Despite being endowed with the quiet patience of a redwood tree, Critter nearly lost it. One little fellow, who was dressed as Darth Vadar (at Disneyland?? What kind of parents does he have? Shouldn't he be dressed as Peter Pan or one of those dwarves? You know he's like one of those awful kids from Charlie and the Chocolate factory, TV Mike) Anyway, he asked (if you can call it that) if he could sit on Critter's shoulders. In the interest of avoiding trouble, Critter consented. When he finally got up there, the kid joyously screamed "Look mom, I am king of the world!" which nervously amused his parents who felt compelled to begin taking pictures. Then he made a second and very ill advised request of Critter which was simply "Giddyup." Critter is one of the most gentle creatures I have ever met... bred on berries and dandelion wine and the sweet air of evergreen forests, but when young Darth, clad in K-mart plastic black, asked for a Gidddyup, he got one. He was Giddyuped straight into the west face of the Matterhorn. So, once we had all shared a quiet awkward moment, Darth's mom then screamed bloody murder. We ran and resorted to Plan B. Critter became "Leslie Wang" a stewardess on Singapore Air and I became a British Major, Col. Lingus. So far, so good.

 
Cornify